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HEROICS @ 8 SHREE

5 idiots staying together for 2 years does sound quite promising. Promising in the sense of senseless, stupid funny irrational acts. And trust me we overdid the promises. We can only be overdone by the politicians in the country… for the rest we really set a few unbeatable benchmarks… So lets be nice and name them aaaaaassssssssss (DRUM ROLL):-

“THE HEROICS OF 8 SHREE”

Let’s start off with the HUNTERWALI… the king/quenn of seductive moves… Cheap dances… the one with the “PHIR WOHI SEXY BHANYAK SAPNEY’S”. MOINAK BAGCHI urf ROLU POLU urf MONU urf MOINAK HUNTERWALI urf MONIKA…

Now we were all sitting in the sitting hall I was on the ground against the wall with my back towards kitchen, JP and Aditya were on the couch and neel was there too.. I think Aditi was there as well… One chair was not taken because there was a dust bin on top of it.. Which obviously shouldn’t be there but still it was.. SO we all were talking and our dear Moinak enters pretty much lost… he comes and he sits for a while and he leaves… Nothing funny rite??? But NO NO NO… how can our lost Bagchi leave without doing anything stupid... So what happened was our dude comes to the room… picks the dust bin from the only available seat.. keeps it down .. parks his ass for a while… gets up to leave and PICKS THE DUSTBIN..PUTS IT BACK ON THE SEAT… and leaves!!!! I dunno if anyone else noticed but it was funny…

MOINAK lighting a cigarette.. now whats funny about that.. WELL THE FACT THAT HE WAS LIGHTING IT WITHOUT ANY CIGGARETTE IN HIS LIPS…dude almost burnt his lips!!!!

Now we all took our cricket very seriously I think the matches were like India vs Pakistan meeting Saas bhi kabhi bahu thi… So me and Bagchi playing … Bastard wasn’t getting out.. so I bowled I bouncer… and the next thing I see is Moinak losing his balance and falling straight through …back first .. the glass table.. . bechara table.. if u would have seen Moinak then it was like an oversized baby in a small cradle.. his head and arms lying outside the cradle and legs (in sexy shorts) dangling ouside as well, with a stupid grin on his face… That was too funny… Bagchi actually looked like an oversized Potato baby... in baniyan and shorts...We were both laughing he in his cradle and me on the floor!!!!

NOW the person up next has several names as the WOMAN KILLAH!!! The SARCI BASTARD, The GURU, DITTU… ADITU… ADITYOOHH… all permutation and combinations have been and tried… but lets stick to Aditya Gogia.

Now there was period when me, Aditya, Moinak, Deepti, Pallavi ad Kalandi used to hang out every evening. So this fine evening all of us ventured out and decided Dorabjee it is... So we went to Dorabjee and roamed around planet M and all.. then we decided to get back to CCD on F.C road… so we caught hold of 2 rickshaws and me, deepti am Moinak got into one… Aditya was left out so he decided to get into the other rickshaw with pallavi and kalandi. So as he was walking towards the rickshaw when the rickshaw started without him… What happened after that didn’t just leave us in splits but the entire MG road in splits especially our rickshaw wallah.

Aditya when he saw the auto moving away started running after the rickshaw and yelling “aye aye bhaiya bhaiya rukooooo”. Now the way he ran was hilarious.. it will be impossible to describe but still let me try..

Imagine someone swimming Free style.. you know the hand going almost round .. Alternating … now pick him up and ask him to do the same on the road.. That was gogia’s hand movement (desperately trying to catch the rickshaw).. Now when the left hand swings the head swings to the right and when the right hand swings the head moves towards left so the entire movement of the head is like a pendulum.. so when the head is to the right the left hand is swinging and when it is to the left the right hand swings… And now the legs were classic.. Imagine a cyclist in the last leg of the race the circular action of his legs... now the same action but the thighs come up to almost parallel to the ground … and when the foot touches the ground and leaves it the left one goes further to the left and the right one further to the right…

SO to conclude… CRASH COURSE TO ADITYA’ S RUN: -

1. Swing your arms violently and alternately.. the swing should be a complete circle but not very complete

2. When your left hand swings move your head to the right… and vice versa… (MIND YOU ABT THE RHYTHM THAT NEEDS TO BE MAINTAINED)

3. Now the motion of your legs should be like you are CYCLING... only the thighs needs to be parallel to the ground (mind that… very important!!)

4. And when you foot leaves the ground and goes back the left foot should go further to the left and right one further to the right…

5. Its better to wear glasses and do that because then it keeps bouncing on ur eyes and u have n clue where u are running

6. You have to yell out “bhaiya bhaiya rukooooo” like a damsel in distress “NEHHHHHIIII “ or “BACHAO.. BACHAO “ types

All criterion fulfilled you will be the reason why auto wallahs on MG road will keep laughing till they reach CCD on F.C road..
(TRUST ME ITS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER… imagine Aditya running on the road like that)

“HUM OOPAR REHTE HAIN”... Aditya’s cool answer to the neighbor (who came running up pissed with the constant noise from our room yelling) who said full angrily “hum niche rehte hain”…hahahahahahhahaa


Our dear friend JP Morgan Stanley Dutta… or sirf JP had probably the funiest three incidents..

First one will definitely be the time when I got a pair of skates to 8 Shree… So Deepti and Pallavi had come over and they me , Bagchi and Aditya were talking in the sitting room… I was sitting facing the kitchen door and Moinak had the kitchen door to his right. Suddenly we hear sound of someone skating and guess who… it was JP skating.. full style and all and he starts from the room which was opposite the terrace and swishes past me Deepti and company and goes into the kitchen .. after like 2 seconds I and Bagchi saw a pair of legs parallel to the wall it remained there for a fraction of second and followed by a loud THUD more like DHUUMMMM…. We started laughing Now JP gets up .. Full restoring pride types.. Walks past us with this cool walk.. saying:-“ITS COOL DUDE.. ITS ALL COOL.. JP Man” and walks to the other room locks the door… followed by a loud “AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!”

Now JP was the most passionate cricket in the history of room cricket… He just can lose… and during his passionate arguments there were often some which defied logic, gravity and all the laws of nature and physics.. We used to play one drop one hand and the ball shouldn’t touch any part of the body… so when JP took a catch which others thought touched his body there used to be a fight and JPs arguments would be…
The ball came here it hit my palms went up I raised my arm ... it passed beneath my arm pit.. took two circles came right back to my tummy .. I sucked in tummy and hit my palm again went up... Just missed my hair came down and as it bounced on my knees but since my hand was on my knee it bounced on my hand again.. went up almost touched my nose.. but I pulled my head back.. so it went up..cicled around my head twice came down again between arm and circled my tummy and leg… and then 2mm from the ground I just caught the ball.. SO THE BALL IN THIS ENTIRE JOURNEY DIDN’T TOUCH ANY PART OF MY BODY!!!!! Yes this was the day when Einstein and Newton were doing gymnastics in their graves..

The last one most certainly was when there was some music playing in the system and then he wanted to change it and he without switching pressed the eject button for the CD to come out... and he took out the CD… so I was like dude don’t do it this way it spoils the system… So our great JP does this.. he puts the CD back... Switches on the player and plays it and then tops it and properly takes it out… and then he was like is it ok now.. I was like what the hell was that... I started laughing and I fell on the bed.. JP realized what he just did and he was like.. PLEASE PLEASE kissi ko batiyo maat… and I promise never to tell this to anyone... I will just blog about this ;)

On Neel I had already dedicate one article hence he shall get no importance at all here..

Coming to me... as perfect as I am I still am human to certain degree…

I remember this one distinctly… I was in the library with Aditya .. (YES U READ IT RIGHT... L—I—B—R—A—R—Y ) so we were on our way down the stairs when we both met Piyali Bagchi.. so we were like Hi hello types.. and that’s when I noticed a very dark patch on the side of her neck… I pointed it to her and said.. “What happened, did u get burnt???” … her face lost every single bit of colour it had… She turned PINK.. ok not exactly pink… somewhere between brown and pink… Aditya was nudging me… So I was like no dude seriously… it looks bad…It is nasty… How did you hurt yourself… She covered the patch and said bye and left in the midst of my sentence… We got down and Aditya was laughing, howling. I was like WHAATTT??? He was like idiot that’s a LOU BITE Mark… its called a Hickie (however u spell it) … and hence I lost my innocence…

The other one was when I ate a pastry in the loo so that I did not have to share it with anyone…

Other than that I was perfect… Quite perfect… Ya bastard if you are thinking of the phone incident … that will come later or will it?!??!??!! Hehehhee

So cheers to all the stupidity… So stupid yet so rocking and awesome!!!! I say KUDOS BACCHA WE ARE BASTARDS BUT WE LOVE IT MAN!!!!

Nights @ 8 Shree

Well the nights in 8 Shree were always pretty pleasant and more often than not offered certain “incidents”. Well it was during one of these nights when Neel’s inner most possessiveness for yours truly became very evident when we all were sitting in the balcony and Neel yelled out (“CHAL ABHIK… SONE KA TIME HOGAYA”) … I know I am truly lucky… Discussing some new chick… or chicks... our respective love lives… Confessions… incidents… Still more chicks… Stories… Misquotes more often than quotes… That one particular question that Aditya asked which shut us all up in SHOCK (I know it’s too vague but still u guys remember)… Moinak’s balcony adventures…was what we mostly did during the night hours... kept talking until everyone passed out

Well that was usually what happened but as I said before it did offer something out of the ordinary most of the time… Here are a few incidents which are pretty much memorable... may not be very funny but yes memorable for sure !!!

1) Often we stayed up late in the night and so we needed something to drink… And I loved nimbu paani.. But to make Nimbu paani you have to go through the unforgiving, cursed Land of Kitchenasia., ruled by the unyielding, unforgiving and funny accented ruler DADA. But there were a few brave ones who stood up to the ruler unafraid, bold and courageous… HEROES… namely JATINOLAS and ABHIKAGON…

Often they succeeded but they failed more… For they were unaware of the inner eye of DADA which watched everything.. even in the dark… One such incident was when Abhikagon left the safety of the kingdom of Bedroom and it emperor Neelander , his wife Aditya-beth "the beauty" and his concubine Maneka Bagchioria –The Hunter Wali, to look for the blessed nimbu pani…

As he treaded through the darkness crossing one hurdle after another often bumping into them .(namely “sofa” nia and “couch” aria) he reached the dreaded middle earth the land of KITCHEN ASIA…. There were strange sounds in the air (snores of DADA) the air was so filthy that he Abhikagon lost his hair (his body odour mixed with vegetables and carrots and mooli) but the brave one didn’t give up… he walked on and reached the heart of the kingdom… Now to get the sword so as to cut the celestial nimbus he put on foot very carefully and noiselessly on one side of dada and the other remained on the other side… He was very careful and very quiet. But then the power of the inner eye cannot be underestimated for it never rested. In this precarious position DADA’s inner eye woke him up his eyes shot open and there he saw ABHIKAGON standing on top of his chest, with his legs on either side of him… In these situations where many people have lost their lives due to heart attacks the brave Abhikagon merely jumped to one side with merely a squeal “Aaaaaaaaaa” and froze.

Dada let out his vengeance, his wrath and he used his ultimate weapon (his speech with his accent)

He roared: -“YE TUM KYA KARTA HAI… KABHI HUM KO SONE NEHI DETA HAI.. DIN BHAR KADKIYON KE SAATH AUR AB NIMBU PAANI.. YE KOI TIME HAI… GHOOSHI (PUNCH!!) MARDEGA”
ABHIKAGON realized that if he stood there he would perish ... so he ran and picked up 5 glasses… the sugar jar... the celestial nimbu… and the sword… He then ran back while the beast roared and roared… entire earth shook… but the brave one ran … he again bumped into obstacles (OOH!!! AAH!!! OUCH!!!) but he ran… and bought back to his kingdom the means to quench their thirst.

(FYI: - It happened many nights)

2) We had come back from our first trip to Goa. During the trip Me, Bagchi, Adi, JP, Shonai (in her swimming costume… Adi remember… hhahahahaa) happened to go to the water and there were a few chicks in the water… Now just for the kicks we decided let us rule the water by driving away the females… so we did our bit (AHEM!!!) and all the chicks left the water and we had successfully captured the water… So that particular night I was dreaming of that and I dreamti can never forget this one!!) Bagchi running around (more like bouncing around) in his swimming trunks in the beaches of Goa from one chic to another and they were running away (SEE BAGCHI.. EVEN IN MY DREAMS YOU DRIVE CHICS AWAY!!) and in my sleep I yelled out,,,

“CHANRDAMUKHI HO YA PARO… KI PHARAK PAENDA YAROON”

Now I was sleeping on the bed and Gogia was sleeping on the mattress on the floor.. SO he heard it. Now Gogia without glasses is pretty much blind and to top it all it was dark I dunno if I scared him or not but he got up and then somehow he figured his way and reached out to wake me or to see if I am awake or not and that when I opened my eyes and I see Mr. Gogia’s face and he was like "Abhik tujhe pata hai tune kya bola"

I said “Haan “CHANDRAMUKHI HO YA PARO… KI PHARAK PAENDA YAROON”!!!
And we laughed after that for quite some time!!!


3) One night… I woke up at around 2:30 coz I couldn’t get any sleep… I went to the sitting room to read something… a few minutes later Aditya woke up to he too couldn’t sleep… Then we both decided lets go and get some coffee… So we went down to the pimp’s shop to get some coffee in our boxers and crumpled T shirt… But then everything was shut. So what to do... Then Adi comes up with a solution at 3:00 a.m. “Dude Hotel Pride”… I was like “let’s do it man” …

So here were two guys walking on FC road at 3:30 a.m. laughing, cracking PJs jumping on the road and we reached the five star (not sure if pride is a five star) at around 3:40… we went to the coffee shop and took our seats… The waiters eyed our boxers and crumpled T shirt and politely came up and said “Sir you are early for breakfast” … saala kamina… But we ordered for our coffees… meanwhile the TV was playing ITV and so I kept requesting songs and we chatted/ laughed/bitched/gossiped for an hour read the papers also (Adi has to do that in a five star)… We left the place reached home at around 5:30… Adi’s idea was to leave the bill on the table for the rest to see.. Sure enough next day I woke up to Jatin yelling right next my ear…”Bastard how could have done this without me” with the bill in his hand…


There are many more incidents … so this is to be continued… And can you guys remind me by writing it as comments!!!

Five More Minutes...FOR MY SAKE

I was just about to fall sleep on my bed when suddenly I realized the clothes lying on me was moving… I was like what the hell is happening and then suddenly one by one the clothes started disappearing … That’s when I saw Jatin… Why the hell is he taking my clothes I wondered… I got up shocked and I was like “Dude what you doing?!?!?!?” Jatin replied “Packing… next two days no one is going to be in the hostel so you are coming to stay with me and Aditya.

It was the first semester… Back than i was staying in a hostel... Looking back I wonder how I managed to stay there at all … Dark and dingy room… Cobwebs all over the place… Newspapers stuck to the wall dating back to God Knows when.. Had to get your Fan and Bulb… Creaking furniture again with cobwebs.. I guess they were there before independence… Pardeshi’s (my roommate) early morning bed tea was the only plus point apart for the obvious one that I got meet Moinak and Neel. Yup the early morning used to be fun… Moinak running to the loo so that he gets there before anyone else does… the first of his many trips during the day… and Neel running around with his one mug to bathe, shave and freshen up… ONE MUG that’s it… and I used to stand outside with my cup of tea… watching all the commotion!!! And BTW my roomy used to sleep on an iron cot with Just a thin thin towel between him and the cot... No bedding no nothing.

Well during the first semester Aditya and Jatin used to come down to college every evening and play a lot of TT along with Mr. Bagchi and Ameya Gokhale… Mr. Prabhav Sharda would be busy playing Badminton… I used to drop in once in a while …

Getting back to my ishtory… So that particular evening I was sleeping … Adi and Jatin had come to play TT and there they found out Moinak was going back home… So Jatin comes to my room and sees a pile of clothes on my bed… He removes the clothes one by one… after a few minutes of excavation he found me lying beneath the heap of clothes … Then he started packing them into one of my bags and that’s when I woke up… If Jatin wouldn’t have come that day, I honestly don’t think if those three years would have been the same for me … So JP cheers mate!!!

So I packed up… I was supposed to go to Gokhalenagar (Where Adi and JP used to stay) for two days… But I stayed there for at least 6 to 8 months.. I mean I was there until we shifted to 8 Shree… It was awesome awesome fun… Prabhav, Nikhil and Shankar used to stay nearby at Shivaji Apartments… We used to go over to their place in the evening… Somehow bear Prabhav’s singing… Actually he was decent... In fact Prabhav had a c.d. recording of him singing Hotel California in a studio… The hotel California’s, Love is all around, Pink Floyd Pulse (Originals not Prabhav specials) … Nikhil with his dance bar stories and his dance to the chamiya numbers... (Dude JP what his favorite number… I forgot!!) Shankar too was good fun… we used to chill out a lot and off course the impromptu WWF’s usually all of us against Prabhav…Late night food trips to Kazi… Calling up the cable and playing Tears in Heaven and some Bryan Adams number every night… Calling the girls over and then cooking… while watching When Harry met Sally (Adi, Bagchi remember how excited all of us were the day before hehehe!!!) Evenings at Apache our seat was right next to the speakers… DD dancing to Sweet Child Of Mine and checking himself out in the mirror… And one day when the lights went Prabhav broke out singing “knocking on heaven’s door” in a fully crowded Apache… There are much more man (if u guys remember put it on comments) …. The only scar in this joy ride was the cricket incident when 11 of us were playing in the ground next to Aditya’s flat and we weren’t allowed to play by some old uncles as we were not Maharashtrians

But those were also brilliant days man… Bloody brilliant

So this story dates back to our exams in first semester … Some exams were on and we had statistics the next day… So we were all at JP’s and Aditya’s place… And Shankar Nikhil and Prabhav comes over to “STUDY”
So that means ABHIK, MOINAK, ADITYA, JATIN, SHANKAR, NIKHIL, and PRABAHV… (Although Shankar was from ILS and didn’t have the paper he came over to chill) were planning to STUDY together.. heheheheh

They came over at 10:30 and we decided one hour of masti and replenish food stock… So we started off with our masti… music, magi, discussing girls, fighting, laughing our hearts out… Then our phone rings… The following conversation that happened is historical … has been talked over and over for those three years and yet survives…
Jatin answers the call and yells out Dittu it’s for you… Aditya comes running and then pauses for a bit and picks up the call
Aditya Grave Voice at his best “HELLOOOO… YEESSSSS…………………………….. (and then shrill girly sissy as hell voice) Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Deeeeeeedeeeeeeee”
We all were rolling on the ground couldn’t stop laughing what voice modulation… From HE MAN to WONDER WOMAN… awesome hahhahahahah!!!!

So by the time we were done with our masti it was around 12:30 and we decide its high time we should start studying… But dude how could we there is nothing to eat in the house… So Nikhil volunteers, and at 1:00 a.m. he leaves to get food from Kazi… After 20 minutes we get a call and its Nikhil… He was like

“Bastard I am being chased by three dogs man”
From our end don’t know who “ Kya bol raha hai… where are you”
Nikhil: -“Dude I am standing on top of a car… the three dogs are jumping up and down man trying to get up here man” and you could hear constant barking
Nikhil: - “bastards come and get me man!!!” (Background still those ferocious barking all over the place)
Prabhav takes the phone :- “Hello Nikhil… “
Nikhil : - “Fucker come and get me man .. these dogs are fucking mad.. “
Pabhav : -“abbe pagal ho gaya hai kya… marne ke liye jaaonga mein… Then with concern “yaar do you have those biscuits”
Nikhil: - “Ya why”
Prabhav: - “Don’t give them to the dogs”
Nikhil: - “Why???”
Prabhav: - “Because you will need it during the night” and he hangs up..

We were again as usual laughing at Nikhil’s plight… what bastard’s we were man… Not only did we not help but we were making fun of Nikhil and laughed for the next 30 minutes or so... Nikhil comes back after 45 minutes apparently some uncle came over and rescued him from the top of the car where he was perched for quite some time…

We shamelessly ate everything and finally got down to studying… And what studying we did … I was sitting with Prabhav and suddenly he goes full seriously...

“Abhik ek cheez bata … aasman neela kyon hai… duniya gol kyon hai.. hawa dekhai nehi deta kyon?? Yaroon ye mujhse na pucoh kyonki agar mujhe pata hota toh tere se thodi na poochta!!!!” and he started laughing… I had no reaction ... at bloody 4 in the morning such a sad sad one!!!

So we studied in a similar fashion till 5 a.m. then we decided something… Since the exam was internal… and the marks didn’t count we would leave a completely blank paper… Not a dot… and we will sit for 5 minutes and get up all of us together… And we had a pact… Let’s do it

So next morning we reached the exam hall and all of us sat… Our roll numbers were all together in the back of the class … We got the Question paper and our answer sheets… Mim didn’t get her paper till then so I gave her my paper and may I add Gladly…the after 5 minutes a soft countdown starts
3…2…1... And then all of us get up “SIR DONE !!”

The professor was scandalized … you should have seen his face… then he goes ... “No No by rule you have to sit for another 10 minutes” one of us questioned the rule but the we decided chal yaar lets sit for 10 more minutes and then we will go.. What waste of time…I swear…. So after 10 minutes another soft count down 3…2…1. Again all of us got up”SIR DONE!!” He was like 10 minutes not over. And we were like sir it’s over and we do not want to disturb the other students… The funniest thing follows the professor goes “Please sit for another 5 minutes... FOR MY SAKE.” I burst out “FOR MY SAKE” hahahahaha… We were like ok chalo sir for your sake we will sit for another 5 minutes. And then after 5 more minutes… countdown and we successfully left… I think he gave up on us… Not a mark on the paper!!!

Then we took a snap outside the main building… all of us… I had a very gay smile on me… We were full of pride… sense of accomplishments… covered with glory…!!!

If someone has the snap please send it across to me… will put it up…

Dedicated to GokhaleNagar, Kazi, MOINAK, ADITYA, JATIN, SHANKAR, NIKHIL, and PRABAHV, Shivaji apartments... TT Table at fergi… and the uncle who threw us out of the cricket ground.. MAY HE ROT IN HELL for all I care!!! Cheers!!!

Parsees... MG Road... And Dad I am In deficit !!! :D

I just love MG road… Not because of the planet Ms and shopping malls, Burger king (What I could give for one burger right now!!!) , our temple Thousand Oaks.. But because the road has this I don’t know a feel towards it… especially in the early mornings around 9:30 or 10:00… In fact one of the loveliest things you can do in Poona is to walk down MG road in the early mornings

I mean it’s just lovely and peaceful … The sun’s just up and quite pleasant its rays streaming finding its way through the leaves of the trees on to the road... nice breeze flowing… neighboring shop owners, who probably have been neighbors since God knows when greeting each other with their hellos and good mornings first, a quick two minute chat usually followed by a loud laugh and then the shutter goes up… what makes it better is that there are lots of Parsees with shops and their homes in that vicinity so early mornings you will fond parse auntie’s walking by that road to get to their shop and greeting mostly everyone on the way in their typical Hindi. Crowd slowly starts pouring in… It’s always a beautiful day and the road wakes up, it is in its most humane side and along with the preserved history and culture that is Poona.

As you walk down just before good old Marzorin you will find this old medical store of a Parse uncle who must be in his 80s barely able to walk, standing behind his counter as he must have been doing since I can only guess probably for the past 40 years, aided be a couple of young girls, it’s a large shop mostly coloured in black, and at least for the last 5 years I don’t think has much to offer, but yet the uncle is always there , bang opposite his the Poona Drug Store… another one of the vintage collection, next to it is The Bombay Store… opposite which is Marzorin… Then further ahead a very old parse shop called Royal Bakery (Thanks Moinak !! :) )with the most amazing plum cakes and the most arrogant guy running the shop… (I had a fight with him once)… The shop is again black and I am sure haven’t been renovated since inception… Ahead are a cutter of old shops and buildings… What I wonder is if you walked down MG road in the 80s or maybe 70s ... would it be any different?? Not much I am pretty sure.

In fact I am reminded of the day when I was running in The Poona Marathon and when I was on MG road I remember this Parsi aunty in her 50s standing alone on the road in her Nurse outfit and cheering us on… I always felt Parsees preserve the heritage of a place, its utter comical when they fight at the drop of a hat in their Hindi, their neuroticism but there is always something pleasant about them … (Well not always… Jatin remember Just Baked)

And after you are tired walking get back to Marzorin order a zoom burger, don’t forget to order extra zoom sauce and a cold coffee sit upstairs on the balcony overlooking the road (the sun will still be out … the breeze will still be there) and see the crowd pouring in… See the Kashmiri shop with carpets (which by the way is always empty) stream of people entering Bombay Store, the lovely trees behind the stores and a couple on the pavement in front of the store... It’s very … very….very pleasant (ya and try carrying a book… u can read it there…at least I did) … (Do the above if you are alone and if you have company just talk and stop gaping outside:) )

OK now this story goes back to I guess my second year … I had my account with the sexiest bank in the whole of Poona... Central Bank of India, Fergusson College Branch... No core banking, no debit card, No nothing just a pass book. So all of a sudden one fine morning I realize not surprisingly I am broke… and I needed around 6k quite soon… So it was time for the embarrassing “DAD I AM IN DEFICIT” call… well no wait it was worse because I had to first tell him that… then I would pour in a few major expenses incurred (which he would never ask for but still guilty conscious me!!!) half of the expenses conjured faster out of thin air than harry potter spells… and I must have lost a cell phone during that semester so I will out that in as well… and still I could not justify my expenses… But this time I had to ask him to somehow arrange the money real quick … I needed it in a day or max 2 (I fail to remember why!!!) which was impossible because if he sent me a draft it would take me at least 5 days to reach…

So I made the call… and shamelessly put forth my demand… So dad being dad never said no to anything… So after an hour I get a call from him... that he spoke to some uncle who in turn spoke to his friend and I am supposed to go and collect the money from him and he gave me his number (Dad always rocked in contacts!!!) So I called up Uncle with no clue who he was … “Hi hello uncle … ya ya I remember you.. how is aunty … oh ok I hope she is better now… uncle is been so long since you came to Meghalaya… make a trip soon... ya ya I am fine… so then I got pakaooed and I came to the point very innocently and sweetly I asked “ Uncle Dad asked me to meet you” and he asked me to come over to his shop in MG road in the evening…
MG Road was good... coffee at Marzorin meet him take money… pack few burgers from Burger King for me, my roomies and few etc such as Aditi, Shonai, ever hungry Reema (LOL!!!) So alls good… Money, dinner …

I was about to leave when the Legend himself volunteered to come along with me… so me and Neel left for MG Road. I called up uncle and he said his shop was next to this hotel on MG road… Both of us never remembered seeing that hotel so I thought it will be in one of the lanes or towards the other end of MG Road. So I and Neel get down in front of The Bombay Store and we decided to walk… We walked to the other end of MG Road but we could not find the hotel and the shop… So I called up uncle again... he gave me a landmark and some direction … So we walked back to where we started… and went inside a by lane… Another 20 minutes of here and there and yet nothing… even the landmark was not there… someone suggested to go towards Pantaloons and it’s there… So I called up uncle again and by this time he got irritated and he concluded I am useless and wanted to talk to the auto wala… I said I was walking with my friend… so he asked are you on the main MG Road… I was like no I am In the Duplicate MG Road Idiot … I responded yes I am… then he is walk straight down and you will see this white building which is the hotel and next to it is my shop OK !!!! And he hung up.. So I and Neel walked straight down but no white building, no hotel, no nothing…. We searched again for 30 minutes and nothing!!!

So we got back to The Bombay Store and I called him again… Bastard had lost it by then… I was like ok uncle I am standing in front of THE BOMBAY STORE now tell me… He was like “What Bombay Store.. You are not on MG Road” I was like no uncle I am on MG Road… “No you are not!!! Give the phone to the auto driver” “ (For the nth time) But uncle I am NOT in a (fucking!!)Auto I am walking with a friend” He is practically yelling now “You and your friend do not know anything, get on an auto and tell him to get you to MG Road” and he hung up…

We were both standing there not knowing what to do… then it struck me… I called him back and I asked “Uncle you are in MG Road Poona right” He was like “What Poona I am in Hyderabad” SILENCE FROM MY END … well mentally gallis one after other but on the phone silence then I spoke “Uncle I am in Poona” Now silence in his end and then he goes “SO how do I give the money” I was like “How do you think you will ever give me the money here” and then we hung up.. Told Neel what happened… Neel started off with his silent laughter and then “yaar … yaar… hahahahhahahaha”… Then the entire incident sunk in and even I burst out don’t know where we got the energy to laugh … We were bloody tired ... thankfully Neel was there and he paid for the burgers and I took out my phone then “DAD I AM STILL IN DEFICIT”!!!

The Man.. The LEGEND :) !!!!!

First year in college and the first event to be organized was Futurama… Well as it is we had already started redefining the term lookah by then so I thought might as well participate in organizing the event … you know do something constructive with your life types… And the fact that a certain “someone” was there in the organizing committee DID NOT in any way influence my decision of joining the committee… ;) … YA RIGHT… who am I kidding… more than totally influenced my decision was… had to get in by hook or crook … Hooked and Crooked I did and got in… And along with me a certain person by the name of Mr. Neel Kuba got in…

Well what to say about Mr. Neel Kuba… the man is a legend!!!! Stories reach far and wide… people are terrorized … well mostly by his choice of movies… which according to him he chooses very very selectively… I agree it must be so difficult to choose the few good movies and after having done all that he chooses to go for all the movies EXCEPT for those… Once in a blue moon he did come along to watch a decent English movie and if he didn’t understand what the hell the movie was all about his famous verdict would be “ Ye Indian audience k liye nehi hai!!!” classic case was “Minority Report”

Neel Kuba the only man to have proudly and fearlessly announced in the kimaya in front of some 80 students that “There is nothing as love, it’s just attraction…and I have had 23 crushes in my first year”… A quote which well remembered and which in recent times have been voted as the most unquotable quote!!!

Legend has it that when Neel Kuba walked no one looked at him but when he stopped walking every eye turned towards him in wonderment and amazement that the dude has stopped walking but why the hell are his arms still moving!!! Yes it is the same Neel who danced for hours and hours in front of the mirror of steps which I am sure even his reflection in the mirror was ashamed of!!! Well mimicking his dance steps have bought me great fame in the West and in the East (Kolkatta.. Aditya’ s home) for which I am grateful to he who should not be named and heard!!!

A girl called Deepti had the audacity to once ask “Who is NEEL ?!?!?!!” When Neel was informed of this he calmly said… “ Yaar tumne galat sun liya hoga.. kahin usna HOW is NEEL to nehin kahaan?!?!?!?” (Which by the way was the only time we laughed along with him on his sense of humor) such was the wisdom of the great one!!!!

It is also rumored that he silently killed people with his shaiyaris and quotes … how many dead, or turned deaf or in the words of Alex Fergusson “BUGGER LOST IT!!!” is still to be confirmed….

Well so much for the great Neel Kuba… getting back to Futurama… Well I and Neel were in the sponsorship team… and within a month we had seen our share of ups and downs… but after a month we stuck GOLD… Or we stuck IMS.. And YES we did it… We had cracked the main sponsor… Kya chutiya kata tha mazaa aagaya… We promised them lots like they can have a seminar in the Amphi and the Amphi would be houseful which was some 600 odd students… the day of the seminar the amphi had 10 students all volunteers forcefully sent by us which did not even fill the first row and I was nowhere to be seen.. I ran for my life..

So when we cracked the main sponsor Neel gave himself 45% of the credit and me 55% of the credit for cracking it… (Such modesty and absurd Logic!!! But still ) we were on our way back to college and we were on our way to the psychology department when suddenly NEEL’s radar got activated and I don’t know how but somehow he spotted Pia Chandavarkar going to the kimaya !!! Now ok give it to Neel everyone agrees to the point that ya Pia was hot!!! So Neel was like let’s go to kimaya Pia is there... and he RRAAAANNNN!!!! Jesus Christ did he run!!! Quite like Tom Hanks in Forest Gump!!! And I kept walking so by the time I reach there I hear NEEL go to Pia and Mr.Moinak who was there with her (SO SURPRISING ISN’T IT ;) ) “Guess what we got the MAIN SPONSOR”…. Now Pia was a part of Futurama and she got damn excited… she was sitting down and she jumped up with her hands spread out as if to give a hug to Neel… Now Neel I am sure couldn’t believe his luck I am sure in his mind he must have been “chance chance ... lele..lele” and off course Moinak’s mind went “BASTARD … BASTARD”

So Pia jumped up with her hands spread wide and here NEEL spread his arms quite like Sharukh Khan ready for the incoming hug and then something happened … Suddenly Pia lowers both her arms and extends one arm to shake hands!!! So now the scene was Pia one arm extended to shake hands and Neel still with his hands spread out Sharukh Khan Style… (I cant stop laughing while I am typing this!!!!) And me and Moinak noticed what happened and we went hysterical.. we were rolling on the ground laughing …. Ladies and Gentlemen what sexy KLPD… Neel poor thing quite embarrassed by now lowered his arms and shook her hand and then he walked away… we followed to take his ass royally!!!!

All said and done I seriously do agree with Jatin when he says Neel is a champ… he truly is… Here is to NEEL!!! Cheers and we love you mate!!!

Over a plate of Pasta!!!

Me and Dittu were waiting for the arrival of the Azad Hind Express… and were supposed to pick up this gentleman … As far as I remember he found us before we found him… He was much better dressed then we thought he would be… so much so that when we reached home and Moinak Bagchi opened the doors if I would not have known Moinak I would have thought he was the one we picked up from the station… 8 Shree had a new resident … popularly known as DADA…

I distinctly remember the first question he asked us in his Bonglicized Hindi …” Toh aaj toom log Lunch mein kya khayeggaaa.. Indian, Italian, Chinese, Japanese...” We all looked at each other... A question like that to a bunch of guys whose idea of food revolved around the PAs, APs, of Chaitanya … Well that’s what dada did for the next 2 yrs… Took care of us…
Dada would be most kicked about parties (well parties sans Tutu)… Coz he would cook his favourite meals and kind of show off too…And not just parties but Jatin’s parties… Whenever it was my party it used to be mostly my batch, and a couple of seniors… Dittu used to be the same but also with his kolkatta buddies… Moinak used to have a few junior females as well… Neel had a list of “Titliyas” mostly arbit juniors and super junior females especially Kashmiri pundits and friends… and Jatin well Jatin was a league of his own… his list comprised of our batch, seniors(few), Tutu’s friends, Dittu’s Kolkata friends, Juniors and arbit people in the college circle and on the way to college who happened to wish him coz they overheard their friends wishing him..In the final year he was forced to break it into core group and common mess… So the relation in terms of invites would be
Abhik< Aditya<< Moinak<<<< Neel<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< JATIN

So when Tutu wasn’t around usually loads of food used to be left over… So what follows used to happen many a times in the following day to a party...
Sometime between breakfast and lunch I used to feel hungry and enter the kitchen..

Abhik: -“ DADA aap bahut acche ho”
DADA: - “Tooo Pheer Agayaaa.. Kyyaa Chihaiye”
Abhik: - “Yaar dada kal raat ka pasta bacha hoga na .. Thoda de do”
DADA: -“ Haaaiiiinn (amitabh style) Kooch naahhhi milegaaaa”
Abhik (Me raising my voice): - “Arreyyy kyon Nehi milega.. bahut bacha hai na”
DADA: - “Toom meeinn kisiko nehi milegaaaa”
Abhik: - “Arrey Kyon…”
DADA:-“ Thoda Bacha hai.. Ye sirf AAADDDITI ke liye hai”
Abhik: - “Aditi ke liye.. kyon Aditi ke liye .. mere liye kyon nehi!!!”
DADA: - “Tooommm kaaal raat ko bahoot khaya.. ye sirf aaaditi ke liye!!!!”
Abhik: - “Toh kal raat ko aditi ne bhi khaya tha!!!”
DADA: -“Bola na ye sirf aditi ke liye hai”
Abhik: -“Reema aur Devina ke liye bhi nehi???”
DADA:- “NEHI!!!!”
Abhik: - “ Yaar Neel yaar.. bol na dada ko”
Neel (outside on sofa): - “yaar.. ch ch.. yaar.. ch ch.. mein kya boloon yaar..samjha kar” (By which he has shaken his head 50 times..and I realize how useless he can be )
Abhik (yells): - “JATTIINNNN…..”
Jatin:- (Hears the commotion comes to the kitchen)
Abhik: -“JP bol na dada ko pasta dene ke liye”
Jatin:-“ Yaar dada pata hai .. Aap Bahut Shantoo ho”
DADA: - “Haaiiinnn (again amitabh style) humko Shantoo bola.. Shantoo hoga tum”
Jatin:- “Usko pasta do na … Itna sara toh hai”
DADA: -“ Neehiiii dega… Kya Karlegaaa “
Dittu arrives (Bastard that he is) “Maat do dada kisko mat do..sirf mujhe do”
DADA to Dittu “Challlaaakkiii karta hain.. tum ko bhi nehi dega!!!”
Dittu: - “Arrey Mene kya chalaki kia???”
By this time I have taken full advantage of the situation and slipped behind dada … as I was about to dump some pasta onto my plate dada turns around and catches my hand
DADA: - “Haainnnn chori karta hai?!?!?!?!?!”
Abhik, Jatin, Aditya : -“CHORIIII?!?!?!?!”
Jatin: - “Ye toh too much boldiya”
Dittu to me complete aag lagena ka style : - “Kya boldiya … Tere ko chor boldiya”
Abhik (Full Bhikari style) “Please Dada aap bahut aache ho please thoda de do”
DADA takes a spoonful dumps it into my plate.. “Ye le… ab jaa”
I look down into my plate and I wonder bloody begging on the streets or outside a temple will get you more
Abhik :- (full Bhaw khaw angry voice) “ ye kya hai bheekh hai kya.. Nehi chaiye” and I walk off knowing the fact that dada would definitely come behind me with a plate!!!
Dittu: “ Kya dada aap abhik ko bheekari samajh te ho” (bastard ..big bastard!!!)
5 mins later dada comes up to me with a plate of pasta.. “YE LE!!!”
Abhik : “Yay dada .. aap bahut acche ho”
DADA: - (Full Dissapointed) “Aadddiiiti ke liye kooch nehi bacha!!!!”
Who cares… yummy pasta !!!!