The Man.. The LEGEND :) !!!!!

First year in college and the first event to be organized was Futurama… Well as it is we had already started redefining the term lookah by then so I thought might as well participate in organizing the event … you know do something constructive with your life types… And the fact that a certain “someone” was there in the organizing committee DID NOT in any way influence my decision of joining the committee… ;) … YA RIGHT… who am I kidding… more than totally influenced my decision was… had to get in by hook or crook … Hooked and Crooked I did and got in… And along with me a certain person by the name of Mr. Neel Kuba got in…

Well what to say about Mr. Neel Kuba… the man is a legend!!!! Stories reach far and wide… people are terrorized … well mostly by his choice of movies… which according to him he chooses very very selectively… I agree it must be so difficult to choose the few good movies and after having done all that he chooses to go for all the movies EXCEPT for those… Once in a blue moon he did come along to watch a decent English movie and if he didn’t understand what the hell the movie was all about his famous verdict would be “ Ye Indian audience k liye nehi hai!!!” classic case was “Minority Report”

Neel Kuba the only man to have proudly and fearlessly announced in the kimaya in front of some 80 students that “There is nothing as love, it’s just attraction…and I have had 23 crushes in my first year”… A quote which well remembered and which in recent times have been voted as the most unquotable quote!!!

Legend has it that when Neel Kuba walked no one looked at him but when he stopped walking every eye turned towards him in wonderment and amazement that the dude has stopped walking but why the hell are his arms still moving!!! Yes it is the same Neel who danced for hours and hours in front of the mirror of steps which I am sure even his reflection in the mirror was ashamed of!!! Well mimicking his dance steps have bought me great fame in the West and in the East (Kolkatta.. Aditya’ s home) for which I am grateful to he who should not be named and heard!!!

A girl called Deepti had the audacity to once ask “Who is NEEL ?!?!?!!” When Neel was informed of this he calmly said… “ Yaar tumne galat sun liya hoga.. kahin usna HOW is NEEL to nehin kahaan?!?!?!?” (Which by the way was the only time we laughed along with him on his sense of humor) such was the wisdom of the great one!!!!

It is also rumored that he silently killed people with his shaiyaris and quotes … how many dead, or turned deaf or in the words of Alex Fergusson “BUGGER LOST IT!!!” is still to be confirmed….

Well so much for the great Neel Kuba… getting back to Futurama… Well I and Neel were in the sponsorship team… and within a month we had seen our share of ups and downs… but after a month we stuck GOLD… Or we stuck IMS.. And YES we did it… We had cracked the main sponsor… Kya chutiya kata tha mazaa aagaya… We promised them lots like they can have a seminar in the Amphi and the Amphi would be houseful which was some 600 odd students… the day of the seminar the amphi had 10 students all volunteers forcefully sent by us which did not even fill the first row and I was nowhere to be seen.. I ran for my life..

So when we cracked the main sponsor Neel gave himself 45% of the credit and me 55% of the credit for cracking it… (Such modesty and absurd Logic!!! But still ) we were on our way back to college and we were on our way to the psychology department when suddenly NEEL’s radar got activated and I don’t know how but somehow he spotted Pia Chandavarkar going to the kimaya !!! Now ok give it to Neel everyone agrees to the point that ya Pia was hot!!! So Neel was like let’s go to kimaya Pia is there... and he RRAAAANNNN!!!! Jesus Christ did he run!!! Quite like Tom Hanks in Forest Gump!!! And I kept walking so by the time I reach there I hear NEEL go to Pia and Mr.Moinak who was there with her (SO SURPRISING ISN’T IT ;) ) “Guess what we got the MAIN SPONSOR”…. Now Pia was a part of Futurama and she got damn excited… she was sitting down and she jumped up with her hands spread out as if to give a hug to Neel… Now Neel I am sure couldn’t believe his luck I am sure in his mind he must have been “chance chance ... lele..lele” and off course Moinak’s mind went “BASTARD … BASTARD”

So Pia jumped up with her hands spread wide and here NEEL spread his arms quite like Sharukh Khan ready for the incoming hug and then something happened … Suddenly Pia lowers both her arms and extends one arm to shake hands!!! So now the scene was Pia one arm extended to shake hands and Neel still with his hands spread out Sharukh Khan Style… (I cant stop laughing while I am typing this!!!!) And me and Moinak noticed what happened and we went hysterical.. we were rolling on the ground laughing …. Ladies and Gentlemen what sexy KLPD… Neel poor thing quite embarrassed by now lowered his arms and shook her hand and then he walked away… we followed to take his ass royally!!!!

All said and done I seriously do agree with Jatin when he says Neel is a champ… he truly is… Here is to NEEL!!! Cheers and we love you mate!!!

Over a plate of Pasta!!!

Me and Dittu were waiting for the arrival of the Azad Hind Express… and were supposed to pick up this gentleman … As far as I remember he found us before we found him… He was much better dressed then we thought he would be… so much so that when we reached home and Moinak Bagchi opened the doors if I would not have known Moinak I would have thought he was the one we picked up from the station… 8 Shree had a new resident … popularly known as DADA…

I distinctly remember the first question he asked us in his Bonglicized Hindi …” Toh aaj toom log Lunch mein kya khayeggaaa.. Indian, Italian, Chinese, Japanese...” We all looked at each other... A question like that to a bunch of guys whose idea of food revolved around the PAs, APs, of Chaitanya … Well that’s what dada did for the next 2 yrs… Took care of us…
Dada would be most kicked about parties (well parties sans Tutu)… Coz he would cook his favourite meals and kind of show off too…And not just parties but Jatin’s parties… Whenever it was my party it used to be mostly my batch, and a couple of seniors… Dittu used to be the same but also with his kolkatta buddies… Moinak used to have a few junior females as well… Neel had a list of “Titliyas” mostly arbit juniors and super junior females especially Kashmiri pundits and friends… and Jatin well Jatin was a league of his own… his list comprised of our batch, seniors(few), Tutu’s friends, Dittu’s Kolkata friends, Juniors and arbit people in the college circle and on the way to college who happened to wish him coz they overheard their friends wishing him..In the final year he was forced to break it into core group and common mess… So the relation in terms of invites would be
Abhik< Aditya<< Moinak<<<< Neel<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< JATIN

So when Tutu wasn’t around usually loads of food used to be left over… So what follows used to happen many a times in the following day to a party...
Sometime between breakfast and lunch I used to feel hungry and enter the kitchen..

Abhik: -“ DADA aap bahut acche ho”
DADA: - “Tooo Pheer Agayaaa.. Kyyaa Chihaiye”
Abhik: - “Yaar dada kal raat ka pasta bacha hoga na .. Thoda de do”
DADA: -“ Haaaiiiinn (amitabh style) Kooch naahhhi milegaaaa”
Abhik (Me raising my voice): - “Arreyyy kyon Nehi milega.. bahut bacha hai na”
DADA: - “Toom meeinn kisiko nehi milegaaaa”
Abhik: - “Arrey Kyon…”
DADA:-“ Thoda Bacha hai.. Ye sirf AAADDDITI ke liye hai”
Abhik: - “Aditi ke liye.. kyon Aditi ke liye .. mere liye kyon nehi!!!”
DADA: - “Tooommm kaaal raat ko bahoot khaya.. ye sirf aaaditi ke liye!!!!”
Abhik: - “Toh kal raat ko aditi ne bhi khaya tha!!!”
DADA: -“Bola na ye sirf aditi ke liye hai”
Abhik: -“Reema aur Devina ke liye bhi nehi???”
DADA:- “NEHI!!!!”
Abhik: - “ Yaar Neel yaar.. bol na dada ko”
Neel (outside on sofa): - “yaar.. ch ch.. yaar.. ch ch.. mein kya boloon yaar..samjha kar” (By which he has shaken his head 50 times..and I realize how useless he can be )
Abhik (yells): - “JATTIINNNN…..”
Jatin:- (Hears the commotion comes to the kitchen)
Abhik: -“JP bol na dada ko pasta dene ke liye”
Jatin:-“ Yaar dada pata hai .. Aap Bahut Shantoo ho”
DADA: - “Haaiiinnn (again amitabh style) humko Shantoo bola.. Shantoo hoga tum”
Jatin:- “Usko pasta do na … Itna sara toh hai”
DADA: -“ Neehiiii dega… Kya Karlegaaa “
Dittu arrives (Bastard that he is) “Maat do dada kisko mat do..sirf mujhe do”
DADA to Dittu “Challlaaakkiii karta hain.. tum ko bhi nehi dega!!!”
Dittu: - “Arrey Mene kya chalaki kia???”
By this time I have taken full advantage of the situation and slipped behind dada … as I was about to dump some pasta onto my plate dada turns around and catches my hand
DADA: - “Haainnnn chori karta hai?!?!?!?!?!”
Abhik, Jatin, Aditya : -“CHORIIII?!?!?!?!”
Jatin: - “Ye toh too much boldiya”
Dittu to me complete aag lagena ka style : - “Kya boldiya … Tere ko chor boldiya”
Abhik (Full Bhikari style) “Please Dada aap bahut aache ho please thoda de do”
DADA takes a spoonful dumps it into my plate.. “Ye le… ab jaa”
I look down into my plate and I wonder bloody begging on the streets or outside a temple will get you more
Abhik :- (full Bhaw khaw angry voice) “ ye kya hai bheekh hai kya.. Nehi chaiye” and I walk off knowing the fact that dada would definitely come behind me with a plate!!!
Dittu: “ Kya dada aap abhik ko bheekari samajh te ho” (bastard ..big bastard!!!)
5 mins later dada comes up to me with a plate of pasta.. “YE LE!!!”
Abhik : “Yay dada .. aap bahut acche ho”
DADA: - (Full Dissapointed) “Aadddiiiti ke liye kooch nehi bacha!!!!”
Who cares… yummy pasta !!!!

Lalu, Rabri and the Chak..

Fergusson times were beyond doubt the most memorable moments for most of the people I know and especially for the bunch of us (11 to be precise). This blog is to highlight one of the zillion whacked out things that we did… The piece highlights mostly the subtle sarcasm of Aditya Gogia, Jatin Pradeep’s brilliant timing, comprehension as well as reaction to the situations created... I figure somewhere there mostly adding to the humor … As far as my memory serves me Moinak and Neel weren’t totally a part of this ... so sorry!!! This piece is dedicated to our utter non sensical (to a matured mind... to whom fortunately we never performed too!!!)  IMPROMPTU(S)

Mind races back to the one we played in A1 something to do with Lalu (Aditya Gogia) Rabri Devi (MOI.. think I played the chakka son also.. yes I did) and The Lawyer (Jatin Pradeep.. also played chakka friend to my chakka avatar.. and a news reporter).. Oorja time... Got the subject 1 hour before the play begun..JP (Jatin) in the organizing committee so he could barely be a part of building the plot… So I and Gogia came up with a broad one…

Lalu and Rabri… the same… Rabri’s 24^th child to be born… news channels and all present… Birth to chakka… (Basically I give birth to ME!!)... Lalu figures out he is a chakka some years later when he and his other chakka friend comes over to ask money in typical chakka style (Well Gogia in real life has this uncanny knack of attracting eunuchs!!!)  Lalu refuses to accept him/her/it/etc. to be the seed of his loins… takes Rabri to court… (ENTER JP after a million cameos in between) … Lalu takes Rabri’s phone … Dials a suspicious number and Jatin (Judge’s) phone started ringing… and Judge and Rabri flee the stage..

Just before we went on stage JP comes running, we barely tell him 4 lines of what we had intended to do… and we went on stage. We had to perform for at least 12 minutes and we were not sure if we could even last 3 minutes.. But then something happened to Gogia… I don’t know what till now but I guess he went into the mode he goes into when we walk down the road that connects Bhandarkar Road and the Backside of our place... He started and he was in full flow… No one could shut him up… Someone stood up in the crowd to do something and he yelled in Lalu style “AYE SHIT DWOON... GAWAR SALLAA.. NO MANAAAARSS” bechari got scared and sat down and stayed put… He was at his best and crowd was in splits…

JP with no freaking idea of script kept coming on the stage with his hazaaar avatars… none discussed before…sometimes news reporter, sometimes my chakka friend… and brilliantly adding to the script (if u could call it a script)His timing was just perfect and I was wondering on stage how the hell is this dude doing it… But the bastard did it… He rocked it man!!!

In fact once in between the play the entire audience was in splits and we just looked at each other and the three of us burst out… We were like what the holy fuck were we all doing but whatever we did fell in the grand scheme of things and in the end the play lasted for around 18 minutes if I am not wrong… with Gogia speaking for 13 minutes at least!!!! We blew the competition away and as always Famous Five prevailed!!!! It was awesome man … awesome!!!!!

                                                                                                                  (To be continued…..)